Newsletters | December 2004

December 2004 Newsletter
Edition 5
By Arch Armstrong

Hello Friends and welcome to the 5th edition of the Karumba Point Sunset Caravan Park newsletter.

With Christmas fast approaching I am sure you are all out there doing what you have to do to catch up with all those things that must be taken care of before years end. At Karumba we have been doing the same and a lot more. Our staff have been hard at work on maintenance and making new improvements to the park to make your stay in 2005 more comfortable, enjoyable and entertaining than ever before. Naturally we will still be having our famous Friday night meals with live entertainment, free happy hours, free monthly sausage sizzles and our craft days. We sure are going to be alive in 2005!! It is going to be a great time to meet old friends and make some new ones so why not come up a bit earlier and stay a bit longer. Easter is in March 2005 and February is the start of the Barramundi season and one of the best times to get those big mud crabs is March. September and October are excellent months to be in Karumba and in fact October offers probably the best weather for the year. The fishing is also still great. Even in November and December we are getting good catches of grunter and other species. Please book early and come on up and get your share of fun and some of the big crabs and Barramundi. For bookings just ring 07 47459277 or email us at sunsetcp@bigpond.com.au or bookings@sunsetcp.com.au or check out our website at www.sunsetcp.com.au

A special mention to Jude. ( Pete and Jude of Denim Blue our much loved entertainment group). Jude has not been well for some time and it is great news that she is now on the mend and will be back in Karumba with us again soon.

Welcome back Jude!! We missed ya !!!

Seeing Christmas is not far off I have included the following for a few laughs. It is appropriate for this time of the year and I guess a sign of the times we live in. Hope you like it.

12 Days of Christmas Re-Examined in light of competition.

Global challenges require the North Pole to continue to take more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary.

The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic plant, providing savings in maintenance costs.

The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions, therefore, are terminated.

The three French hens will remain intact and we may actually expand the number of hens used. A recent time and motion study proved that using illegal migratory fowl is extremely profitable as it eliminates the company's need to provide employee benefits because the hens do not meet federal residency requirements.

The four calling birds were replaced by an automated mailing system, with call waiting options. An analysis is under way to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked. Once this information is determined, the Accounting Department will deduct the costs of any inappropriate non-business calls from their final paycheck.

The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals as well as a mix of T-bills and high technology stocks appear to be in order.

The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which we can no longer afford. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by the Personnel Department will assure management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one.

The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. Their function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes to better enhance their outplacement.

As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the work force is sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-motoring.

Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps. Let me hasten to add that the company prohibits age discrimination. Should these individuals be asked to leave prior to their voluntary retirement, rest assured our Law Department will ensure and ironclad defense against any employee lawsuit.

Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high costs of Lord plus the expense of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out of work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, significant savings should result due to the number of congressmen left unemployed by the election.

Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting to big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music and no uniforms will produce savings to the bottom line.

Though incomplete, studies by our latest consultant indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop-ship in one day, service levels will be improved and we can expect a substantial reduction in the use of part-time personnel.

Kind Regards
Arch Armstrong

Oh!! And have a great day.